The sexy love triangle (Gajeel x Natsu x Laxus)
by ElsaBlasters
Summary: Gajeel and Laxus fight over Natsu. YAOI TRAIN COMIN THROUGH! Half- Crack fanfiction! If you want to find out more than just read it! If you don't like then... aw heck, just read it anyways! What could go wrong?
1. I wish I knew where this fanfic went wro

**This is a fanfiction emphasis on the "Fan". Do you really expect me to own anything? No? Good, cause I don't.**

"Shoosh. No time for words," said Gajeel, putting a finger over Natsu's lips. Every time Natsu attempted to speak, Gajeel would hush him. Gajeel grabbed Natsu's hand and dragged him out to a dark alleyway where thousands of pencils and mechanical pencils lived, acting as if they were feral children. "I-" Gajeel started, but he was interrupted by a crash. Striking an awesome pose, Laxus burst through one of the cold stone walls next to the two. The sudden destruction of bricks caused the writing utensils to scatter wildly. Laxus approached the two. His looks weren't appealing; he wore mascara and had a line of lipstick trailing from his lips to his chin. Gajeel looked at him like _what the heck is wrong with you?_ Laxus yelled, "MY GRANDPA SAID I WAS KAWAII and have I ever mentioned that I'm gay?" He smiled at Natsu mischievously.

Laxus grabbed Natsu; with one hand he stroked Natsu's face, and with the other, he threw popcorn at him. Gajeel stared in awe; right as he was about to confess his love some electric freak bursts in and steals his man! Not wanting to be outdone by a scumbag, he rushed over to a log and set it on fire. He picked the log up, and carried it back to Natsu. "I GOT DINNER FOR YOU! I MADE IT MYSELF!" he screamed and threw the flaming log directly at Laxus's face. Laxus cradled his face and moaned while Gajeel proceeded to pick Natsu up and carry him off. Laxus was left with a burning hatred for Gajeel; his hate was so great, in fact, that when he glared at a chicken it turned back into an egg. He was going to get revenge on Gajeel. Now all he had to do was wait for the perfect time to strike.

Natsu couldn't wrap his head around the situation he was just flung into. Two dragon slayers just got into a fight over what he assumed was his love. He didn't even know if he actually loved either of them. Natsu was so lost in thought, he didn't even realize that Gajeel had set him down on a sunny field. Gajeel was lying on the ground next to him, cuddling him, and Natsu figured that the position Gajeel was in, was the cutest he'd ever been in. Natsu couldn't help but say, "Aw," at the sight, which caused Gajeel to wear a vexed facial expression until he decided to forget it a few moments afterwards. They relaxed in the sun for a few minutes in tranquil silence. Out in the distance, Natsu saw Laxus charging at dangerously high speeds to their exact location. Startled, Natsu crawled backwards and decided to stay neutral while the others settled their disputes (which he figured wasn't the greatest of plans). Just then Laxus let out his "battle cry"… well it was actually a song. "LET IT GO!" Laxus sang at the top of his lungs while attempting to electrocute a now alert Gajeel. "LET IT GO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!" he cried while pounding Gajeel into the ground with his lighting body. Gajeel, burnt and broken from the direct hit, looked at Laxus dead in the eye. "Electricity… never bothered me anyways," he returned, although his voice was shaky and weak. Laxus was so apoplectic, he simply kicked Gajeel in the crotch out of rage (a very effective move) and jumped up to the moon and literally threw it into the sun. He smiled psychotically as he threw Natsu over his shoulder and dashed off leaving Gajeel in the dust. It was his turn to kidnap Natsu, his beloved.

_Aw yeah, I love this feeling._ Gajeel thought sarcastically as he attempted to sit up. He ended up lying back down; just sitting hurt way more than it should have. He sighed and stared up at the sky, which had blossomed into a yellowy orange explosion. He wondered what the night would be like without the moon; Laxus kind of murdered it. His mind drifted to Natsu and what he and Laxus are probably doing right now. He scowled as imagination took over along with the utmost envy he had ever felt. _This really sucks. Life, I'm gonna kill you. A _wave of sudden prostration overtook him as his consciousness diminished. Finally, the lights went out.

Laxus had always been one to dwell on the past, even if he refused to admit it. Maybe beating Gajeel up was wrong. Gajeel was in his way though… He sat in thought as Natsu sat up and spoke with slight irritation in his voice, "May I speak now?" "Oh, yeah sure," Laxus replied. They were in a log cabin in some area that Natsu wasn't sure of, but by the looks of it, it was used frequently. "So, why me exactly?" Natsu asked, "I mean, you kinda just threw me into this love triangle…" "BECAUSE YOU'RE SEXY!" Laxus countered. Natsu blushed at the compliment. "Well, I'll give it some thought," he told. They both fell silent, contemplating their own matters. Overwhelmed with the culpability of going too far with his actions involving Gajeel, Laxus stood up and headed for the door. "I'll be back in a bit, don't wander out of the house, and STAY OFF THE INTERNET!" he hollered, running out into the distance, ignoring the UFOs abducting innocent civilians and the Civil War battle going on between the stump-men. All that mattered was that he got everything cleared up.


	2. I just don't even know at this point

**You know if I could be any type of dragon slayer, I would be a sand dragon slayer. Why? I just want to go to the beach and eat some kid's sand castle. I don't own anything, let's get on with the story already.**

"What was all that about?" Natsu thought, glancing around the little shack he was told to stay in. He decided it was for the best if he obeyed Laxus's commands and stayed put. "I'll probably learn sooner or later," he assumed, "What to do now…" He did everything; he searched the cabinets flopped around on the bed, and abused the wooden floors. He crawled over to the worn couch near the coffee table and threw himself onto it. It didn't provide much entertainment. He fell asleep out of pure boredom. Seriously Laxus?

"OH GOD HE'S DEAD! Wait no, he's breathing." The screaming stirred Gajeel. He cracked open an eye to see Laxus standing over him. "Quick! Say something!" asserted Laxus. "Uh… cactus," Gajeel replied with a sigh. Laxus was the last person he wanted to see right now. He wouldn't be lying there if it weren't for him. Despite Gajeel's grunt of disapproval, Laxus plopped himself on the ground next to him. "So… the sky sure looks beautiful tonight doesn't it?" started Laxus, in attempt to bring the dynamism of a good conversation. Gajeel retorted, "The only thing that could make it more beautiful is if the freaking moon is still there!" "whoops," was all Laxus could think of to say. Awkward silence. "You look cute when you're totally helpless, you know," joshed Laxus. "Shut up!" Gajeel barked, slapping him. "Ow! Okay, I just thought of something. How about we form a peace treaty, one where we can't hurt each other physically. How does that sound?" Laxus insisted. Sudden images of Laxus being smashed by a giant letter "E" filled Gajeel's mind. "Heh heh…. Wait, you seriously couldn't have done it before!? Well, I don't really have a problem with it, I guess…" Gajeel growled. "Okay good! So,what do you want to do now?" questioned Laxus. Gajeel turned to face him, clearly puzzled, "What do you mean?" "I mean, well, are you just going to lie here or should I escort you somewhere, or" he verified. Gajeel mused for a minute before stating, "Take me to Natsu." "Well aren't you the commanding one?" Laxus teased. "The only problem that remains is how am I going to get you there?" "I don't know, carry me?" guessed Gajeel. Laxus picked him up princess style then nearly dropped him, "Holy crap how much do you way, like 700 pounds?" Gajeel snapped back, "Shut up." Laxus slowly carried him through the moonless night.

"CUTE!" two dragon slayers said simultaneously. It was Gajeel and Laxus who had just found Natsu resting upon the couch. They stood in the doorway for a minute staring at their "precious" until Laxus nearly dropped Gajeel because HE'S SO HEAVY. Laxus threw Gajeel onto the bed and proceeded to take all the blankets and pillows off of it and make an awesome pillow fort. "There's only one bed…" Gajeel noticed. "Well, yeah," Laxus replied, "I was planning on just having me and Natsu here, but ya know." That last remark made Gajeel flinch. Laxus randomly threw a package of band aids at Gajeel, "I was planning on tending to your wounds, but then again I don't really care THAT much…" He then proceeded to gather up the blankets and wrap himself up like a ninja burrito (some of which lurked in the shadows and beneath the floor boards). "Good night," he muttered. "I hope you get murdered in your sleep," Gajeel replied bluntly.

Laxus awoke to Gajeel sitting on the couch and Natsu screaming and running around. "IT'S A REVOLUTION!" Natsu cried while dodging mobs of angry French toasts that were trying to stab at his legs with butter knives. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Or you know, you could help me without completely destroying the place with magic." Gajeel sprang up and grabbed a can of French toast repellent (If you're wondering how Gajeel suddenly became better, it's because in this anime you can get stabbed hundreds of times in the chest while being burned and electrocuted and attacked by every other element at the same time and after a little nap you can just stand right back up and go on with your life, seriously). The French toasts screeched out of fear of the repellent's gas and ran out the window (which, for some reason, was open). "Well there goes the greatest dish in all the land made by me," Natsu sighed. He arbitrarily picked up and donut and threw it at Gajeel, but his response was unanticipated. "Is this a proposal?!" he asked, almost excitedly, trying to fix the donut onto his ring finger. Laxus face-palmed and Natsu, trying to be considerate, replied, "umm, that's a donut. Were you dropped on your head when you were a child?" "No," Gajeel replied blankly. After a long awkward silence, Natsu suggested, "Let's return to the guild, or… I could just go to the guild and you guys could do your paranormal bromance or whatever. I NEEDS MAH MONEY, MAN!" "Sounds good enough," said Gajeel. "I'm stalking you," Laxus whispered, close enough to Natsu where he could hear. And with that, they were off, leaving behind the beneficially located cabin.

"Hey Natsu," Gajeel said shyly, a small blush creeping onto his face as he lightly held onto Natsu's hand. "What is it Gajeel?" Natsu asked, his eyes bright, his smile wide, and a blush very much visible. "I just wanted to say that I… l-lo- Wait, wait ,wait I would NEVER do this what the heck is going on?!"

Startled, I bolt up from my comfortable laying position on my bed. Who does he think he is? Doesn't he know I'm his master!? I furiously typed away on my keyboard, "Don't you know who you are Gajeel? You're a simple instrument in an awesome symphony composed by yours truly. What made you think you ever had any rights as a being? I am your creator; your future is pre-determined by me! I control you, all your actions, your thoughts! YOU DO AS I SAY OR ELSE!" He snorted, "I do whatever I please." "OH YEAH?! I'LL SHOW YOU!" The little beat of the simple, angry rapping from long fingernails hitting lettered keys filled the room in a duet with the purrs of a raven furred cat. Gajeel took out a knife and slowly began to amputate his- "WAIT WHAT!? YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Gajeel screamed, switching to panic mode. My laughter resonated through the sky, "YOU SEE! I DO WHAT I WANT!" Out of nowhere, Laxus decided to grow a second head, although he seemed cool with it. "You change him back!" Natsu yelled. "I have a name you know," I informed, "but you can call me God, or the God of Yaoi if you really want." I smirked at the screen. Even if this wasn't supposed to happen, it sure is fun to show people they don't have any rights under my new divine rule. "Behave yourselves and I'll fix everything," I offered, while Natsu did jumping jacks until he started puking up clouds. "Fine, I guess we have to," Gajeel said, who was now wearing irremovable eye patches on both eyes. I chuckled, "Good." With a quick press of a few keys, everything was basically back to normal. "You know, I'll make this easy on you." The three dragon slayers were now standing in front of the Fairy Tail guild. "Aren't I a nice dictator?"

**EVEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE, I JUST- I CAN'T- I DON'T-**

**(If this were Fahrenheit 451 and this fanfiction were a book, it would probably be mass-burned. Even by those free thinkers and book readers) XD**


	3. I want some fettuccine alfredo

**It was about time I finished this monstrosity.**

"GRAMPAPAAAAAAAAA!" Laxus screeched, running into the guild while tackling his grandpa and throwing him into the same wall that Erza was archenemies with. His grandpa replied, "Laxus, I kicked you out of Fairy Tail, remember? Leave Simba, and never return!" "But grandpaaaa!" Laxus whined, "I'm here to hit on your best member!" He winked and pointed a finger to Natsu, who was chatting away with Lucy. "Ohohoho~ that's my boy!" he chuckled, "GO GET 'EM!" Laxus crawled around like a master Gila monster to Natsu's current location.

"NATSU! HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT?! YOU SCARED MY BOYFRIEND INTO DOING TERRIBLE THINGS!" Lucy screamed, pure rage seeping out of her nostrils in the form a blue colored liquid. Oh yeah Natsu remembered. Lucy and Happy are dating. Lucy continued her rant, "HE STARTED SACRIFING ANTS IN A TWISTED RITUAL TO SUMMON OUR DARK OMNISCIENT OVERLORD! ALL BECAUSE YOU LEFT!" "Well, how about we do a job together to take our minds off it!" Natsu suggested, leading Lucy to go look at jobs. "THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA!" Lacy snarled, slapping Natsu at random intervals. Gajeel, however, was not pleased by Natsu and Lucy's plans, and began retarding their progress by slapping Natsu's hand whenever he held a job, claiming, "That one's evil! Don't do it!" Natsu told him to stop, but Gajeel ignored it and latched onto his legs like a leech trying to hang on to a giant dancing penguin that is repeatedly throwing guitars in the direction of the leech. Natsu glanced at Lucy. His eyes pleaded to be rescued, but she read them as "I'm going to steal all the horses in the universe and put them all on a man-made tree; I'll be unstoppable!" Everyone was so submerged in this mild drama, they all forgot Laxus's existence until he popped up in front of the job board and made a sort of "eeeeeee-RAAAAWR" sound while jumping on top of the board and eating every job listed. Suddenly, the clock struck two P.M. and that was when Natsu realized: I'm too late! Natsu pulled out a walkie talkie and whispered harshly into the machine, "I was ill-prepared! Call off the air raid! This could cost us the war, but it is a risk I have to take!" "Aye sir!" came the reply, sounding cheerful but dark at the same time. There was no mistaking; the voice was Happy's. A helicopter burst through the roof and a latter dropped from the opened hatch. "HANDS UP DON'T SHOOT!" Natsu yelled, grabbing Lucy and proceeding to climb up the latter to continue his mission. The men in the helicopter began to open fire on the guild while blasting music from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The helicopter flew off at the speed of a "safe" 1408 miles per hour, ignoring all air traffic and ramming straight into an airplane to display a show of dominance.

Gajeel and Laxus were in slight shock as they stared at the gaping hole in the roof. Gajeel broke the silence by grabbing Laxus's arm while yelling, "WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!" The only adventure they went on was to a bench placed near the front of the guild. They both curled up on it, wailing like cats in honor of Natsu. They stopped and stared at the couple on the bench across from theirs. It was Lyon and Jellal, and whenever they were together it was a sight to see. They made out anywhere and everywhere, defying all existing scientific laws. They didn't need to breathe; they could just make out for weeks without stopping! Sometimes they would just float around or hang upside-down, but it didn't really matter to Laxus or Gajeel. It was really entertaining to just watch the kiss. Eventually the couple lifted off and floated through town, leaving the dragon slayers with nothing to do. Gajeel got up and bought some birds to feed the breadcrumbs with, but that excitement only lasted as long as the birds did, but breadcrumbs were ravenous these days so there were no birds to spare. They decided to go into hibernation, hoping to wake up when Natsu was present (mainly because I was lazy). Luckily, their hopes came true.

Natsu stared darkly down at the two hibernating dragon slayers. His presence shook their souls and stirred them from their sleep. "Nat-" Laxus was cut off by Natsu. "Shut up. You don't know how hard my life is." Natsu murmured grimly. "Natsu, why didn't-" Gajeel, too, was cut off by Natsu. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW DIFFICULT THE LIFE OF A SHIPPER IS!" he yelled in an emotional frenzy. Laxus and Gajeel exchanged glances. Natsu shoved their heads together into a kiss. "LAXEEL FOREVER!" Natsu boomed righteously. Natsu then forced the two to get married right then and there. He knew it had to be done; the apocalypse is upon them and if the ship were to sail it had to be at that very moment. Just as Natsu predicted, a giant purple hurricane crashed the wedding, but it was a pretty good day up until that point.

Story End

**That ending makes me cry every time, oh the feels!**


End file.
